Owl Post

30 April 2001

To: Gavin MacDougal
From: Astoria Greengrass

Astoria Greengrass

Gavin — and you’ll notice I’m not writing ‘dear Gavin’ because you are not particularly dear to me right now —

I am appalled to hear of your treatment of my friend Ophelia. Or, more to the point, your uncle’s treatment of her and your absolute lack of a backbone in the face of it. Shame on you for allowing anyone to treat your fiancée that way, and shame on you for leaving her.

And it’s no mistake that I’m calling her your fiancée, not your ex-fiancée, because you are only fooling yourself if you think your promise can be broken as easily as that. I’d like to remind you that since Ophelia moved in with you (not the smartest decision she’s ever made but that’s beside the point now) you have already made her your wife in everything but name. How dare you make that kind of commitment to her and then think you can avoid seeing it through. It’s worse than ungentlemanly, it’s unmanly, and I wonder how you can even look at yourself in the mirror.

All that said, and though this may be hard to believe, I am on your side. I am doing my best to speak well of you to Ophelia (which takes no small amount of effort on my part, believe me) and I’m trying to make sure the damage you’ve caused isn’t totally irreversible. But there are two things you absolutely must do, and quickly:

  1. Secure a new position so you are no longer dependent on that untrustworthy swamp slime you call an uncle
  2. Come crawling back to Ophelia on your hands and knees assuring her that you are not fit to kiss the hem of her robe, because guess what, you’re not

If there’s anything I can do to assist you in mending your union with Ophelia, please don’t hesitate to ask. I am happy to pass messages, arrange meetings, continue speaking well of you, etc. But first things first, grow a spine and tell your uncle where he can shove it.

Yours sincerely,
Astoria Greengrass

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