15 November 2001
To: Cary Robards
From: Astoria Greengrass
I’ll have you know that I woke up today with an enormous bruise on my leg. But I’m more concerned about a smaller one you appear to have left on my neck… Fortunately it is scarf weather.
Were you able to rescue your motorbike?
Large bruises are good, you can show them to people so they learn you are not to be trifled with.
I did rescue the bike but I had to fight off some sheep first.
PS: Want to go shag at your cousin’s house
I don’t intend to show the world this bruise. It’s rather high up on my leg. I hope your bike is bruised up a bit itself, it would only be fair.
What did you strike out?
You don’t have to show them the whole leg. But what if you had to go to St Mungo’s?
I crossed out some words.
Why would I be going to St Mungo’s? I’m not planning to ride any more motorbikes anytime soon.
I was talking hypothetically. If you had to go to St Mungo’s you can’t say you’d turn down lifesaving treatment to preserve your modesty.
Are you going to the Blue Moon Ball?
You’re right, I wouldn’t. I’m a lady, not a nutter.
And I don’t know, am I?
I don’t know, that’s why I asked.
Would you like to go to the ball with me?
I’m glad you asked. But could I take a few days to think about it?
I don’t know if It’s at my uncle’s