21 May 2001
To: Gavin MacDougal
From: Astoria Greengrass
I hope you are aware that your window of opportunity for reconciliation won’t be open forever. And I certainly hope you won’t be so foolish as to not even attempt to win Ophelia back, now that you are in a more advantageous situation. She’s a very sweet girl and I can tell she misses you (although for my part I certainly can’t see why), and considering you’ve got all the charm and personality of a bubotuber, I hope you realise your chances of ever doing better than her are very slim indeed.
As for me, I’ve grown quite tired of the topic, so I’m washing my hands of the matter. Consider this your warning to act now if you want to get a word in before I stop trying to speak well of you and start steering Ophelia toward more suitable men.
If any will have her after you
Sincerely, as in you’d better believe I mean every word,